Sorry...............

Hello! Firstly I will apologise about the lack of blogs in the past 8 weeks or so. There were a number of reasons that I haven’t done a blog, mainly being that I didn’t want to portray an impression of having a massive holiday and doing nothing, so the blog took a back seat whilst endeavours with work were taking shape and progressing. So apologies, and I will try my hardest to keep these going (all whilst working mental hours at work).

So, I’m over the half-way point of my time in Australia, and to be honest it is received with mixed emotions. On one hand, I adore it here. I really do. The concept of living here and working here for this time has well and truly sunk in, and I can tell that this decision to up and leave and come over here is the best thing I have ever done. When I was first met with this opportunity, there was no thinking about whether to do it. The decision was made subconsciously for me. As the days grew nearer, I got more and more excited. I don’t think that I will ever get another opportunity like this again, so boy I am so glad I did it. Every day when you wake up, it’s such an amazing feeling. A different country, different people, different surroundings. But now, these surroundings, the people I see regularly, and the places I go, they seem normal. They are familiar. When I catch a bus into town, it feels normal. I don’t feel like a tourist anymore. This feels like home. There is a saying that home is where the heart is. What if your heart is now in a new place? I can feel ok with myself by calling Darwin my home. I love it here. It’s just so ‘me’. The lifestyle, the people, everything about this place feels completely right for me. In the back of my mind, I am worried that when I return to the UK, it won’t feel like home. This is something that I have to deal with myself though. I’m not worried; I think that once I see my old surroundings I will instantly feel at home again. There is however, one thing that I can’t rationally sort out in my head, well I can, I just wish I could mix and match here and home. I’m chatting crap now; let me explain a bit better.

Darwin is excellent, it’s just awesome. The way things are done are right for me. My routine is set here, and I love it. I love going to the gym, I love going on random bike rides with my mates here. I could live here no questions. But, and this is the big ‘but’. There is one thing missing, well things missing.

I knew before I came out here that I would cope with being away from home absolutely fine. What I wasn’t prepared for though, was just how much I would miss my friends. For the first few months I was absolutely fine, and that’s not to say I have ever been a quivering wreck since, but there have been times when I have been on my own, and I have thought about my friends back in the UK. Sometimes it has been hard, getting lost in memories about things we have done, and laughs we have had. But, and this has been the one thing that has got me through some difficult times, I only have to remember that I will see them again. And I cannot explain how much that makes me happy. Earlier on today I was alone and just listening to music, and a song came on, that just made me smile so so much. Rhianna-what’s my name. Now, if you know me from work, you know that this song has some meaning to me; it was a song that accidentally brought loads of people together, simply by making a little game at work, called the DA01 game. Basically, when we were doing a task at work, we would play the DA01 game (invented by me btw), where someone would start singing a song, then point at someone else and that person would have to finish off the certain lyric of the song. And that Rhianna song became somewhat familiar with me. And then on nights out, when it came on, it was my song. But in my head, it wasn’t my song. It was for my friends, and knowing that my friends think of me when that song comes on is priceless. Being away from my little group of friends has at times made me upset, to think they’re out partying and I’m not there has been hard to digest. But I know that when I’m back, I will fit back in like the missing jigsaw piece that will never be replaced. Knowing that I have quality friends back home is such an amazing feeling. Sometimes I will get a random Facebook message from some of them just saying they miss me. Its little things like that make me smile when I’m 9453 miles away from them.  I have some amazing friends back home. Some really fantastic people I am so proud to have in my life. So, cheese alert, it’s time to name and shame you. And I know I can get away with naming you because it’s me, and I’m a cheeky little bastard and I can get away with it. So, Chris Cope. You little handsome basket you. I only known you since you started in CS, and it was just by chance that one day I invited you around mine to play pool, and from then, it’s safe to say we been awesome mates ever since. We have had some immense times around mine and yours; we have put the world to rights over some cheeky smokes. We have had some mental laughs, whether it be that soft tart Skant in the pool room saying daft stuff, or whether it be the Meathead threatening to bum you at FIFA. We have physically laughed until we cried at times. And aren’t going lie, when I knew I was coming over here, I knew I would miss you like fook. And in that same breath, I have missed you as well Meathead. With your bigger than average heat and your Justin Bieber hair. Have you had a haircut yet Meathead??

Jess-the banter queen.  I definitely taught you how to banter, and you are a quality mate. You have been there as well when we have had some top nights out, and you are a cracking mate as well. I remember when I started work I learnt loads from you, even though you weren’t training me. You get me blud?

John boy. It was by you living with me that we became mates, even though I’m an arsehole and you won’t like me eh? LOL. It’s easy to say that you were there for me loads when others weren’t, whether it be just spotting me some dollar when I had none; you were actually like a dad to me at times. So safe! Oh yeah, remember going Tescogs and seeing all those Brother Toffee Apple cider? I LOVE THE DAWN, AND THE DAWN LOVES MEEEEE!! Can’t wait to see you buddy!!

Skant-oh skanty skanty skanty. The things I’ve done for you, you little handsome basket. Saving you from getting your face kicked in. picked you up from work when you’ve worked a 28 hour day. Taking you up Hanley on a Monday night and showing you how it’s done. Introducing you to laundry rooms! You are a jeb at times, as you know, climbing on peoples cars, getting so drunk that you walk down the wrong drive, but I love you, you blonde glory hole. Can’t wait see the high kick!!

NK-I can some you up dead easy. WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHATTTTTT? YYYYEYYYYYYYYYYYER!! OOOOOWWWWWWKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

There are more people I miss, but I’d be here all day. I suppose the point I’m making is that I love it here, I really do, and home is where the heart is. But, (cheese alert) my heart is with my mates. So my home is back in the UK, and that’s where I belong. I will really miss this place, and I have only about 11 weeks left, I will still thoroughly enjoy my time here, but I cannot portray just how much I am looking forward to getting back home, seeing my mates and going out on the first Monday night. I can absolutely guarantee you all that we are going to tear it up. It’s what we do best!!

So, what have I been doing since last wrote? I have done a lot of things, some that I can’t remember to be completely honest, so this blog as usual, doesn’t really have any structure!!

I think I have done a lot of soul searching as daft as it sounds. I remember a meeting we had before coming over, and I suggested that maybe we would discover more about ourselves when we were over here, and it’s safe to say I most definitely have. I have most definitely learnt that I have some epic friends as I think I may have touched on above. I have also learnt that I am more self-sufficient than I thought. I have made my own meals done my own washing up etc since being here, I did it at home anyway but it somehow seems different when there is nobody else who will do it for you. I have learnt the true value of life as well I think. I know I bleat on about life and opportunities, but I think that given some of the things I have been through in my life; I have fully earnt the right to re visit things again and get my message across. I urge anybody to never turn something down straight away. There are things that we must understand about our existence here, like we are only here once. And the sooner we all realise this, the better. I have carpe diem on my arm to remind me every day to actually seize the moment. Ok, I don’t live by it to a t, but I would like to think that I do things based on that motto. I do firmly believe in being random, sometimes it gets me strange looks when I’m out if I randomly shout something. But so what? I blow kisses to women who let me out at a junction when I’m driving. Why not? It might make her day. She may have had a real shitty day, and a stranger blowing her a kiss for letting him out of a junction might make her smile. The point is, if you want something, go and get it. If you wanna do something, do it. If you wanna go for a drive, go. If you wanna go for a walk, do it, just not in the rain. If you do go in the rain, then have a dance in the rain. I’ve done it. I got muddy. But so what? There is a song that I adore, and I’m sure everyone has heard of it, it’s called Sunscreen, by Baz Luhrmann. I love it. I think everyone should be forced to listen to it once a month. If I was President I would make it mandatory. So yeh, I did some soul searching and I’m happy with what I found. So boom. Take that.

Did you all hear about that dude in America who started eating the homeless man’s face? That is messed up. I mean seriously, what is that all about? Proper freaked me out that did. Crazy.

There is a misconception that if you live in a warm country for 6 months, you’re going to tan. LOLDERMORT. Let me set the record straight here. Scott does not tan. Scott goes red. Then he peels. This is not a good look. So I avoid the sun as best as I can. Playing football I will burn. And it makes it worse because you sweat, and you wipe your forehead, and that wipes the sun cream away, and then you burn where it’s wiped away. Then you end up looking like a muppet, because part of you is burnt, and part of you isn’t. It isn’t a good look. Other people have tanned. This makes me incredibly jealous. I blame my mum for this. I’m sorry Janice, but the blame does lye with you. Genetics mean I go red, and not brown. What gives? I have freckles though, and they are a sign of beauty. And speaking of genetics, why am I so short? We were playing football, and I jumped for the ball and missed. If I was a few inches taller, I would have got it. So not only am I short, but I’m short and emulsion white. It wouldn’t be so bad if I was able to tan and short, or if I was taller, and not able to tan. I’d take either of those combinations. But no, I get short and burnable. Cracking. Just remember mother I will choose your nursing home, so you need think of a way to make me grow taller, or get me a fake tan course. So when I come back, and I see you all for the first time, don’t be surprised if it looks like I’ve lived in the Artic for 6 months. In fact, prepare to see no difference in skin tone at all.

I don’t think I have got an Australian twang. To clarify, Australian twang isn’t a disease or condition; I’m referring to my accent. I think it still sounds the same, although we have all started to say Australian words and phrases, like no worries, and g’day. I personally don’t do it on purpose, it’s just what comes out when I talk, and it’s only after that I realise I have done it. Just like the ‘that’s what she said’ thing. I don’t realise I have said it, until after I have said it. Which sometimes can be a bad thing, but 90% of the time, it’s a good thing, because its randomness at its best. I think once I’m back in blighty people will be able to tell if there is a twang there. I think it’d be cool if there was. It is a less frequent occurrence though that if I go to a shop, they don’t seem to ask where I’m from. So maybe, I’m sounding like them now, so they assume I’m ozzy? And when they do ask, maybe it’s because of the emulsion white skin they ask. Interesting theory there.

Oh, what’s the only animal that can jump higher than the Sydney Opera house?

None, as bridges can’t jump!! Wanted say that for ages. I stole that joke from work by the way.

During my time here, I have had certain dates noted in my head for various reasons. My birthday was one of them, obviously as it was my birthday. 28 years old. Wow. Where has the time gone? I fully expected have kids by the time I was 28. What went wrong there? I’ll tell ya. Partying and getting drunk. Do I regret it? Nope. I went out for my birthday with a few mates from over here, and I chose to go for a steak. Yes, a steak, the meat of champions. And it was sublime. Everyone should celebrate their birthday by eating steak. And I nommed it down. I opted for the extra cut steak, which means you pay $7 extra and get 33% more meat. Seriously, it’s a no brainer. Then we went out and I attempted to get drunk. However, after eating a good sized cow, it proved difficult to get drunk, even after the 2 bottles of wine, multiple vodkas and jagers that I consumed. It just wouldn’t happen. I would have happily taken brewers droop over not being able to get hammered on my birthday. Just to clarify, brewers droop is where you are that drunk, that you are unable to get an erection for sexual intercourse. I can’t think of an example for ladies, as I’m told drink makes it better for ladies, so yeh. I think it is the first time since I was 16 that I haven’t been drunk on my birthday. When I was 16, I remember it clearly, my dbd (dead beat dad) had his girl of that time around, and she drove a blue Peugeot. I was that hammered, off a crate of blue WKD, that I got on top of the car and jumped on the roof. Then the bonnet. And I wrecked it. LOL. To this day, I don’t think she knew it was me. It’s ok though, I’m sure that in the next 12 years that followed, karma got me back somehow. Actually, my massive car crash was caused by a Peugeot. Oh well! Fortunately for me, being in a different country for your birthday doesn’t count, so when I’m back, I’m having a night out, and there are many things to celebrate. Obviously me being back, and belated birthdays for everyone, so I can make sure I am hammered then, and this will count as my 28^th birthday celebration.

Another date that was important for me was June 26^th. Why, I don’t hear you all asking. Well, this is the date that Linkin Park were releasing their new album. If this will bore you, skip to the next paragraph, because I am now talking about them. If you know me, you know I love LP. I absolutely adore them, their music inspires me, I can be sad and it cheers me up. They put me in a good mood no matter what. I have so many memories that I can relate to their songs, and I can even remember the first time I heard them. And I will tell you. I was a teenager, watching Kerrang, and their video for One Step Closer came on, and I was dumbfounded. This was before the days of Sky+ and music downloads, so I got on the bus, went to town and bought the album, and played it all day. And I mean all day. That was it, I was hooked. And I have followed them since, seen them live, and even got to talk to them at one stage. So when I heard the new album was dropping when I was in Oz, this made me ecstatic. And then I heard the new single called Burn it Down, and wow, I was mesmerized. They evolve their sound with every album, and I think it is musical genius what they do. So when the new album leaked online, I just had to get it. I had already pre-ordered it, so I didn’t feel guilty, as I was buying it anyway, hell it was paid for. So the day I got the download, I was absolutely buzzing. It went straight onto my sexy little iPod Nano, my phone and my laptop. And I have listened to it every day since at least 2-3 times. I fall asleep to it; I’m listening to it now. I urge you all, trust me and get the album. Pay attention to it. Don’t skip songs, just listen to it. Hear all the underlying tones, and different electronic synths in the background. Pay special attention to the lyrics as well. Genius. Absolutely genius. If you don’t like it, then that’s your decision, but I adore it, and I adore them, their music is spot on. Haters will hate though.

Another date special for me is the 18^th July. OMG NEW BATMAN FILM. I cannot wait for this film. I simply am frothing now just thinking about it. I know it’s going to be genius. Just as is Katy Perry Part of me 3D. CANNOT WAIT!!!!

With these dates though comes the realisation that I will be going home soon. It’s like a tank of petrol really. You fill your car up, and it takes a while to get to half full, but when you have used the first half of the tank, the second half doesn’t last as long (that’s what she said. I actually just said that as I typed it, so I had to include it). So I think that now I’m over half way, before I know it I’ll be on a big plane back to the UK. I would also like to be greeted at work by my friend’s thanks ever so much. You don’t have to make banners, but if you want too that’s ok. I expect people to cry as well. I may force a tear out also.

We have made it a habit of going to the local pub quiz as well on Thursdays. But, it hasn’t always been a pleasant experience. As some of you may have noticed on Facebook, there are a certain quiz team who go, and they cheat. They use mobile phones to get the answers. Now, I’m not a spoil sport, but what is the point of going to a quiz, to cheat. You wouldn’t go on The Weakest Link and cheat would you. Can you imagine you’re stood there, on your little podium, Ann is in front of you with her sexy little glasses, and she says to you ‘What is the big ass river that is in China?’ You wouldn’t  whip out your phone and Google it would you? No. so why do it at a pub quiz?? Of course the answer is the Yellow River, but you don’t Google it. There was a team there, called W.T.F.B.J, every time I hear the name, I always think ‘what the fuck blowjob’, I can’t help it. But they were there sat by us, and I could see this little scornful woman on her phone, and initially, I gave her the benefit of the doubt, being the swell guy that I am, I thought I would leave it, she may be texting her boyfriend or girlfriend (she looked a bit butch though, I wouldn’t have tapped it so I reckon she was a melon) or she may have been facebooking. But, the biggest giveaway, was that I watched her there working her thumbs, then she looks up, whispers into her friends ear, licks her friends ear (that didn’t happen) and the friend wrote something down on the answer paper. Immediately, I raised this to them, by shouting at them, and I apologise mother, but I had a potty mouth, I shouted ‘oi, you cheating fuc**ng c**t.’ since then, there was always a bit of animosity between us and them, which culminated one night by me telling another team in the pub quiz that they (wtfbj) were a bunch of cheating fuc**ng sluts-at which point, a member of their team walked straight in front of me, at the EXACT time the word ‘sluts’ came out of my mouth. Never in my life have I felt such elation as this. It felt like I was carrying this burden, and then it was dropped. What made it all the more special for me though, was one week they had not got their usual table, so they sat in the middle of the pub, literally smack bang in the middle of the pub, so they couldn’t cheat. And they got a lame ass score. Which was epic. Although the other week, they won as they were sat in the corner. But, we as a team were better than them. We believe in winning the correct way, so they may have won the money award, but we awarded ourselves an award for pride. We were proud of our 8^th place finish. As we worked hard for our 8^th place. Our heads are firmly held high.

Another memorable date for me was Mother’s day 2. Some of you know it as Father’s day, but my dad won’t even accept my Facebook request, so its mother’s day 2 for me. Actually, its happy father’s day to my brother in law, who is more off a dad to me. So Chris, happy father’s day for mother’s day 2.

We started training ozzys at our job about 8 weeks ago now, and they are a quality bunch of people. I’m really impressed by them, as the majority of them had no prior knowledge of the industry, and they have come on leaps and bounds, so it’s really pleasing to see. I am confident that they will ensure we grow successfully over here. Some of them are a proper laugh as well. We were obliged to show them how to have a proper night out, and so we duly accepted and took them out and got them all hammered. When in Rome an all that? This brings me nicely onto work. With the date for going live getting closer and closer, we were all mega excited, and we had a meeting one day shortly before we went live. There were about 60 of us in this room, and the big boss Sheila, who is uber friendly, had a little speech for us. And I could tell that absolutely everybody felt immensely proud of what we have so far achieved. She told us about the build up to coming here, and the journey we have all been on. And I felt proud as well. I could feel my throat lumping up to be honest. It is an incredible feeling being involved in this. The sense of pride we all felt was ginormous, to think we have all been a part of this is absolutely epic, and it’s something that I will remember forever. The day we went live, we all wore company branded polo shirts, and to be honest, we looked the dog’s danglies. Even though some of us had shorts on, we still looked superb, and it was a spectacular feeling. And the polo’s are seriously comfy! I might ask for a few more! She said that it was something we would always remember, I have said it before, and I’ll say it again, it has been awesome so far. I am actually jealous of the people coming over soon, as I know what they will be doing, whereas when I came over I had no prior knowledge of the area etc, whereas I know now what they are in for. They will love it.

Another memorable thing for me was watching England at the Euro’s. I know, we were knocked out by the Azzuri on penalty’s, but you have no idea how good it is to be able to say that you watched your home nation in the Euro’s, in Australia. There is something special about staying up all night to cheer your boys on. It was awesome, and the pub was packed every time. It was such an amazing atmosphere. And I pulled Welbeck in one of the sweepstakes so got a nice $44 dollars there. But the highlight for me, was having one of my tweets to thefadotcom retweeted by the English FA. I tweeted them saying there was a bunch of us staying up all night to watch England, and they retweeted me to 189k followers. Yes, you read it right. My comment was sent to 189k people. Which then in turn led to me having a bazillion notifications saying it had been retweeted by loads of people. That was mega impressive. Closely following that, was winning £218 from a £20 bet. Not too shabby!!

A few Saturdays ago, I decided to go to the hidden valley racetrack with weeman, as the v8 supercars were there. It only cost $45 and it was quality. Now, the night before England  had been playing, so we had gone the pub until 7am to watch them, then had some breakfast and went straight out to the v8s. I know, you’re thinking that’s hard-core. Believe me it was. So we left at 8am to the v8s, hopped on the free transport that was provided and off we went. I knew it was going to be a good day as Linkin Park were on the radio on the way there. Now, if you know me, you know I am a bit of a petrol head. And I wasn’t let down. Basically, it was a day of cars, petrol and women in skimpy outfits. And the outfits were skimpy. I’m talking, skimpy to the point where the latex was that tight, you could make out everything. Think about it. The cars were awesome. We got to go in the pits and get up close to the cars which was immense. I got some amazing photos as well as I am a bad man at photography. I also got some cheeky shots of some girls bum, but for fear of being arrested, these weren’t uploaded to Facebook. But they are on my laptop. In fact, I can look at them now. I am looking now. Not bad. The day was immense as I said, cracking weather, I got burnt, shocker, but the lack of sleep caught up with me, and come 3pm, we had to go as me and the weeman were both flagging. So we hopped back onto the free transport, and headed home. All in all, a stunning day. The sound of the v8s, the sound of the drag cars, was unbelievable. Fantastic day.

A more recent outing was this past Wednesday, when me and the weeman went to the Australian Aviation Heritage Centre. Basically, it’s a plane museum. But what a museum it was. It is home to the only B52 bomber in the southern hemisphere. What a machine that is. Nothing could prepare me for the size of the plane, it was staggeringly huge. The wingspan was immense, and the shadow the wing cast was mental. There were other planes as well, some planes were recovered aircraft from the wars, and boy was it humbling. I haven’t been to anything quite like this before, and I was humbled. It was crazy to think that these planes had been involved in wars, and that they had been shot from, and shot at. There was a crashed Japanese plane there, absolutely battered up, and I remember looking at it, and thinking that there was once a time that someone was flying that, and that it was shot down. It was sort of upsetting to know that someone had died in this wreckage that I was able to touch. Pretty scary actually. But at the same time, it sort of brought home how lucky we are that we get to live in a majority of a free world. The pilots who flew these planes died because someone told them they needed to do this. They trusted their lives with some superior and paid the ultimate price for our freedom. Like I say, I have never been to any museum or place that is affiliated with wars etc, as it isn’t something that has ever really appealed to me. But going here was a real eye opener to me, as I realised watching various videos there, that people did indeed die for our way of life that we have now. I walked under the B52 and stroked the underside of the carriage, and I promise you I had the shivers. It was a real strange experience. We watched one particular video, and it showed real footage of the bombing of Darwin which was just complete destruction. Darwin was wiped out completely by the same Japanese fighters that destroyed Pearl Harbour, but the Darwin attack was much bigger. Much much bigger. I think this explains why Darwin is so, well, so complete. They know what it takes to rebuild and restart from scratch; this goes a long way to show why the city is so very well efficient and professional. Buses are on time, the town is immensely clean.  You can tell the people who live here are extremely proud of their town, but it is glaringly obvious that they are extremely grateful to the people who lost their lives to protect their freedom. After the video had finished, I said to weeman that we are majorly lucky that we now don’t have to worry about our freedom, and that we do take things for granted. There was an old chap behind us who I am sure had some involvement in the war, as he heard my comment and gave me a little smile. It’s a bit weird this, but I am sure I could smell plane related smells, like the B52 bomber just smelt of mechanical type smells. Maybe it is something all old planes have, but it was strangely weird that planes that crashed over 60 years ago still had some smell to them. I’m sure they did.

Lol, Rhianna what’s my name just came on on my sexy iPod Nano.

Well, I suppose I’m coming close to the end of my little blog for now. I apologise if it isn’t as thrilling as previous editions, I’m sure I did worry about this in earlier blogs, but it’ll be alright. I suppose i should leave you all with some Jerry Springer type of final thought. I know you all want one, so really all I can do is re-iterate previous things I’ve mumbled about.

We live once, you don’t get second chances. According to Google, the average age for men is 72 and women are 76. So with these real figures, just remember that we all have only one chance here to do what you want. If you were told you were going to die on a particular date, would you do anything different? Oh shit, that reminds me I have started writing a book about that very scenario. Well, it isn’t a book as such, more of a short story. It’s about a guy who gets told he is going to die, and he strives to make sure he lives every day like it were his last as much as he can given his day to day situations. But there is a twist to the story. I’m super excited for anyone who wants to read it, to read it. Who knows I could be the next famous book writing person! Probs not. So anyway, what would you do different? Why would you do things differently anyway. Fact is we do only have one life here, so make the most of it. Obviously I’m not condoning senseless actions based on the theory you live once, you have to live your normal life of work etc, but the things you may usually say no to, why not say yes instead. If someone asks you to go up town on a night out, rather than say no, say yes. I’ll give you an example. Years ago, a girl who will remain nameless, made me pasta with onions in. I fecking hate onions, they are the work of Lucifer himself. They are vile repulsive contraptions; they are up there with mustard and wasps, no point in them. So she makes me some pasta, it has onions in. I say yes to it, I don’t say no. And what was the end result? Well, I puked, but I started dating her. So it is proof that we need to be more open to life.  I could have said no, and had a ham sandwich. But I might not have started dating her had it not been for the vile onions making me sick. Embrace the people around you. You never know who the next person will be to make you smile. You don’t know what’s around the corner; you don’t know what is going to happen tomorrow or next weekend. So, live your life, take chances, and carpe diem.

Take care of yourselves, and each other. (That actually is Jerry Springer, I remember that from Living TV, my favourite one was when a feuding family tried to reconcile over a thanksgiving dinner in the studio, and ended up having a food fight, and a woman threw mashed potato over her cousin and her boob popped out, but it was blurred out.)

Peace xx